Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
