i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
