You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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