Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
