she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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