can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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