drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
