True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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