the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
