and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
