Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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