Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
