I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
