a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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