i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
