his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
