Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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