Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
