I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
