Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
