And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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