So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
