so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
