I can tuck mytits in my pants
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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