what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
