Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
