Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize