dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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