i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
