I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
