Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
