So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
