My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
