some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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