His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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