the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
