If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
