I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
