so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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