can u get pink eye on your cock?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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