I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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