I wish i was in the wii world.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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