I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
