He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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