I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
