Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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