She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
