tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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