I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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