Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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