dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
