Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
