Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
