jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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