Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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