I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
