thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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