I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
