paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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