Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
