Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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