she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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