Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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