$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
