Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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