Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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