Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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