I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
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just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
false alarm, still single
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