Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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