dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
