Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize