i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
