My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Bring me that man meat
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
