I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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