you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
