There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Operation Purity has been aborted
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
