were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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