We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
