you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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