Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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