she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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